I am a Capricorn. I’ve never been one to look at my daily astrology chart, but my dad instilled a sense of Capricorn pride in me from an early age. My dad is a Capricorn as well. He told me he even had a boss at one time who only hired Capricorns. If you are unfamiliar with the Capricorn symbolism, we are the mountain goat that scales the rocky cliffs. We are planners and are constantly working on multiple goals simultaneously. Like a good chess player, we are always thinking five moves ahead. We are part juggler and part conjurer, part manager and part engineer. We need our lives to be in order to keep everything running smoothly.
We relentlessly pursue our goals and do not rest until we achieve our objectives. Everything we do is about reaching the end goal. We are obsessed with seeing the fruition of our dreams. Almost everything we do is part of a greater plan. Every act, every intention, every undertaking has a purpose.
We are silent achievers, and most people underestimate us. They compare us in contrast to the robust looking Aries ram, Taurus the bull or Leo the lion and just nod their heads. They say to themselves that goat doesn’t have a chance.
But while those mighty signs charge ahead of us, relying on their physical strength to overcome whatever obstacles lie ahead, we have already mapped out the journey. And as they stumble, and eventually fall, tumbling back down the mountain, we meticulously make our way up the rocky cliffs, one step at a time, carefully maneuvering the narrow path, until finally it is us who stand at the crest of the mountain peak, enjoying the view in our success and triumph. Never underestimate the goat.
Being a Capricorn is also a curse. For as we are enjoying the crisp mountain air, the wondrous view from the mountain peak we have just scaled, taking in the sense of accomplishment, we see another mountain peak just ahead. That mountain is taller than the one where we stand, its view even more enticing, or so we tell ourselves. This discovery propels us forward on an endless journey to scale that next peak, and the next one, and the next, for there is always another one. Any sense of accomplishment is quickly circumvented by the desire to achieve the next objective. It is a never-ending cycle. It is the curse of the Capricorn.
It gets tiring being the goat. Ask those who personally know us well, and they will tell you. Now and then, we crash from exhaustion. At times we get overwhelmed from overcommitting ourselves. We forget that Father Time only allots 24 hours in a day, and that we have to find time to sleep at some point. However, it’s hard to sleep restfully on the mountain. There is nowhere soft to rest your head, the air is cold, and you have to constantly be aware of the edge of the cliff beside you.
Lately, I have taken a break now and then, while ascending whichever mountain I happen to be climbing at the time, and gaze down at the lush green meadow below me. The problem with climbing rocky cliffs is having to constantly watch out for the trail in front of you, a trail of dirt, gravel and an occasional boulder. The sprouts of grass growing along those cliffs are few and far between and barely satisfy. I have recently become infatuated with the meadow below and long to repose in its appealing dark green blades of grass. The meadow looks so inviting. I long to run amongst the blooming wildflowers and enjoy their fragrant smells. I aspire to enjoy the warmth of the sunshine, rather than continue to endure the cold thin air of the mountains. I dream of spending days upon days in the meadow with no sense of purpose other than my own personal enjoyment and pleasure. Rather than accomplish lofty dreams of aspiration, I find myself desiring only to lie in the meadow on a comfortable blanket with the woman I love beside me as we bask in the sun, relishing the simple enjoyments in life we’ve missed.
The truth is, I am tired of climbing mountains. I now long for the simple pleasures of life. My definition of Someday has now changed.
Earlier in my life I said, “Someday, I am going to record an album,” and I did.
Earlier in my life I said, “Someday, I am going to become a syndicated newspaper columnist,” and I did.
Earlier in my life I said, “Someday, I am going to break into the IT field and be very successful despite no formal academic IT training,” and I did.
Earlier in my life I said, “Someday, I am going to run for political office and get elected,” and I did.
Earlier in my life I said, “Someday, I am going to write a book,” and I did.
But now I want something completely different.
I accomplished so much in my life thus far, and yet I felt unhappy. I sought a counselor last year to help me examine my life. During our first two sessions, she asked me a number of questions about all of the commitments in my life at the time. At the end of the second session she said, “As I look over my notes at everything you’ve told me about your life right now, the word that comes to my mind is OVERWHELMING! Where is your fun? Where is your night out with the boys to go bowling, or play poker, or do a round of golf on a Saturday? You have to crash at some point. There’s no way you can keep up this pace without a breakdown now and then. How have you managed to keep going at this pace for so long?”
She was right. There was little fun in my life. That was the moment I realized that I was tired of constantly climbing. What good is accomplishing greatness if I have no time to enjoy it? On my deathbed one day, it is not my accomplishments that I will relish in my last moments of life, but the loving and joyful memories that I created at one time or another with the people I love.
As I walked out of her office, I said to myself, “Someday I am going to do nothing, nothing but enjoy life to its fullest.”
Yes, Someday, I am going to put the needs of my heart above the needs of my financial obligations. Someday, I am going to put my personal needs ahead of my career. Someday I am going to rediscover my spirituality. Someday I am going to wake up and spend the entire day with the woman I love beneath the sheets. Someday, I am going to enjoy doing nothing.
Doing nothing is very hard for a mountain goat. It’s not in our nature. But I know that if I don’t attain my Someday now, that I may never see it come to fruition until it’s too late to fully enjoy it. It was upon leaving her office that the idea for this book came to fruition. I also realized something else that day. I recognized that I am 49 years old and that it is a very critical year for me as a human being, which is what the next chapter is all about.
From the book, Someday, I am Going To… by Brad Rudisail, available on Amazon